Sorry it has been so long since I wrote. It has actually been over a year! I don't have much to say, but I am alive! So much has changed in one year. We are working on an adoption now! My boys are 6 and about to be 9! Something I have been working on lately is my patience. So I figured if I talk about anything, it should be patience.
Patience is not something you are given. It is a gift you are taught. God doesn't just hand it over. He teaches us what to do with it. And it takes practice! I have not had enough practice yet. I want this adoption process to be over and have our baby/babies in our arms and home with us. But the Bible says in Galatians 5:22 "But the Holy Spirit produces this kind of fruit in our lives: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; There is no law against these things! Those that belong to Christ Jesus have nailed the passions and desires of their sinful nature to his cross and crucified them there." So, learning patience is just a sign that the Holy Spirit is working in our lives.
My family and I recently went on a mission trip to Costa Rica where I shared my testimony with some wonderful girls. I thought I would share that today. I met my husband when I was 15. We dated up until college where we broke up so I could date. I began to drink a lot. I mean a lot. I think it is safe to say I became addicted to it. One night, I was getting ready to go on a date with a guy and he slipped something in my drink. He told my friends, since I couldn't even stand on my own, that I was too drunk to go to the club we were going to. He took me to his apartment and raped me. I began to feel this hole in my chest. I thought that if I got back with my ex-boyfriend, it would fix it. So I did. That was around September, 2003. By December 2003, I was engaged to be married. I figured, getting married would fix it, right? We were married May 15, 2004. That didn't fix it. I don't regret getting married, it just didn't feel that hole. We decided to have a baby. That would fix it, right? In September, 2006 we had our first son. That didn't fix it. It just became more stressful. Don't get me wrong, I DO NOT regret having my son. It just didn't feel that hole in my chest I was trying to fill. I ended up looking outside the marriage. I felt so bad for what I had done, I couldn't face my husband. I decided to commit suicide. I was talked out of it and went home. I suffered from depression horribly. I wasn't able to tell my husband what I had done. So we decided to have another baby. In July 2009, we had our second son. While I was pregnant, I told my husband some of what I had done, but not all of it. Needless to say, it got more stressful and harder on our marriage. But he stayed. We moved and decided to try going to church. We didn't like the life we were living and wanted better for our sons. We went and within 6 months later, we were baptized. I told my husband everything. You know what he said to me? He said, "If I hadn't have found God, I don't think I could have forgiven you, but I did and I do." Ever since I found God, that hole in my chest has been filled. Sure, I still find myself looking for something to fill that hole every now and then, but then I realize it's already been filled.
So, you can see through my hardships, that God had a plan all along. When I told these girls my story, one girl stood out to me. I always wear this bracelet with my favorite scripture on it and I had decided to give it to her to help her through her trials too. She cried, which made me cry. We can't always see the light at the end of the tunnel and we don't know where the road leads most of the time, but we can have patience and faith and know that God will use our trials and hardships for His purpose and it will turn out for the good.
